I am cool. I am trying hard to be cool. No I am not cool at all!!!
Last Saturday morning my yoga phrase was “I am calm.” I repeated this sentence to myself throughout our practice many times. I tried to focus on my breath, my poses in our 2,5 hours practice. I tried to get rid of my finishing up anxiety that makes me either very hyper or very down. At the end of practice, we are having a short meditation. I did. I focused on my breath again repeated my sentence and tried to be present at the moment. And it worked for a while. I felt calm for a while. But after that I felt like crying. Appearently my body and mind were trying to get rid of stress. And then of course I did not want to cry and squeeze myself then I felt like bursting out loud laughing 🙂 That is when I had to stop meditating and tried to collect myself together not to LOL in the middle of totally silent class. But I will always wonder what would my friends’ reaction would be if I did 🙂
So this is me in the final days of my Ph.D. writing adventure. I try to focus on my presentation and going over my final draft but I always find my mind trying to escape screaming: Please release me!
It has been 3 years that I have been writing my dissertation. And this is my 6th year in Ph.D. I think I just consumed all of my energy that I feel so distracted in my last two weeks.
But deep inside I want to believe that I am gonna nail the defense and rest of my summer will be a bit relaxed.